When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart

I began reading When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart in hopes of understanding the effects of sexual sin on the wife of someone who was involved in sexual sin. What I got was many hours of ministering to my heart. I am not the wife of one who struggles, but have been the man struggling with sexual sin. Kathy Gallagher has spent her life ministering to women who have been broken by their husband's sexual sin. She herself has also been through the ups and downs since her husband spent many years involved in sexual sin. She speaks from the position of someone who knows, but more importantly someone who has been healed by the great healer himself, Jesus Christ.The book is a collection of letters written in response to letters she had received. These letters touched on just about every subject related to sexual sin that I can imagine. Divorce, separation, dealing with suspicion, the importance of gratitude and the roots of homosexuality are among the subjects that she ministers to. I say ministers to because she does not simply relate some data about a specific subject, but she opens her heart and allows the Holy Spirit to speak through her to touch the hearts of her readers. Her writing style is inviting and familiar. It is almost as though she were sitting opposite me in a small sitting room and speaking to me.At times her letters were loving, understanding and encouraging. At other times they were confronting, direct and honest. She would confront the selfishness that was shown in the letter from Lauren who was trying to justify divorce because of her husband's use of pornography. Rather than agreeing with Lauren, Kathy Gallagher offered that God will use this time of suffering to purify her. The ultimate goal that God has in anything that we experience is to make us more and more like Jesus through the process. This was a major theme throughout the book. The struggles that we are going through will be used by God to make us more like His Son.Kathy does not use her own experience, but uses scripture and the leading of the Holy Spirit to respond to the writer's questions. In regards to confronting Joyce's husband Kathy sighted Matthew 18:15-17 as a guideline for how to confront him. First go to him alone, then bring one or two as witnesses then tell it to the church. The objective is to bring about an understanding about his sin. Help her husband to come to a point of honesty and repentance. This brings glory to God and brings everyone closer to the Lord. As she says, "Let's hope that your husband will WAKE UP out of the delusion that he can participate in such darkness and still think he's walking with the Lord." Restoration to a right relationship with the Lord should be our primary concern.I have come away with new insight into the collateral damage that is caused when a man engages in sexual sin. I have also gained more understanding of my own sin. I have also seen the Holy Spirit at work in her writing and in my reading of her letters. I am thankful of the way these letters have ministered to my heart. I would recommend this book to any spouse of someone who is engaging in sexual sin.

I purchased this book because I was reaching out for all the help and support that I could get on my own to try to deal with the pain I have been feeling. I found this book to be less than helpful. I felt bashed and not understood or cared about while reading it. It did not validate my feelings and in fact gave me the feeling that I had no right to go through a "mourning" for what I though I had.I would recommend it to those who are well on the way to healing, but not to those who are looking for validation and support through the pain.

Kathy Gallagher's story was really a remarkable one. I truly enjoyed reading through this book. It was interesting to read different accounts different women have gone through. I love how a lot of what her responses were had all pointed to following Christ and to live in according to God's will, even though it seems most of these women wanted to have everyone on their side for what was done against their marriage through their husband's sexual addictions. I think a lot of the times we want to point the finger at other people when really we have to also evaluate our own lives too.

This book is a must! It can be gut wrenching and makes anger stir up inside of you. However, there is such an abundance of God's grace spoken into every story. It makes sympathizing with these couples even easier. Versus being judgmental and accusatory. We as wife need to be aware of the daily battles our husbands go through and equip ourselves with knowledge so we can help them and not accuse them.

I guess this was not the book with answers for me. A well written full of knowledge book..with biblical answers..but, I found more answers in the bible on my own..and was taken back by some of the authors comments on her own life...just disturbing to me and not what I was looking for in the way of answers. I hope others might find it useful or helpful..you will have to read it to find out.

i love this book. it has been my best friend when my husband was still living with me and my kids. it was unbearable to be with his physical presence but, mentally and spiritually absent...it didn't save my marriage but, it did help in my pain during the time i didn't have anybody else to talk to or should i say, when nobody wants to listen to my hang ups

The reason for purchasing this book is obviously a heartbreaking one, but I found so much encouragement in its pages. This book really helped me begin to shift my focuss off myself and on to God. The author has been through what you may be going through and what I am facing and truly offers much hope.

Kathy Gallagher does a great service to the wives of men who are struggling with sexual (or other) addictions. This compilation of letters covers a wide spectrum of struggles and can be of immense help! Much wisdom!

I don't think this book is suitable for anyone other than the very devout religious. If you do not have a very very strong faith, do not buy it.Its basically letters written to wives, who's husbands are sex addicts, giving advice from a religious point of view. While I would normally "take what I like and leave the rest", there is nothing in this book to "take". It is peppered with quotes from the bible and the basic message is that "god wanted you to be with this man, so you have to open your heart, be a good wife, and forgive".